Place your hand in mine, I'll leave when I wanna.

Suddenly lifwe just appears and hits you in the face - I didn't realise it before but there IS a reason I'm here. It isn't fate, or destiny, I didn't deserve the hurt that He gave me but then again I let it happen. I've got a life worth living out there and I fully intend upon living the bugger.

Ive spent far too long being the stroppy cow, snapping at people, letting myself get hurt. I know what I want from life but that isn't necessarly what I've always gone for. I want the good relationship, the being loved - I go for loveless 'fun'. One-night-only frolicks will not help me in the long run. I wanted a baby - I didn't give myself a chance to have the baby. But in doing so, I have put myself in a better position for when I do have a child. And I will. I wanted a future, a career with prospects. I followed what other people wanted me to do for far too long. Back to the roots now, Hospitality is the thing for me. I appreciate your suggestions, sir, but fior now I will follow my heart, not your head.


I hid away from my childhood and my family for far too long, I didn't appreciate what they were to me and how they made me but now I do. I learnt things about my mother that I never would have known had I not become so close to her. She tried to commit suicide too, at the same ages as I did. She never stopped loving my father, the man he was before his accident. She stayed with my stepdad for 10 years too long, she stayed with him for me, because she felt I needed a good and decent male in my life. She made sacrifices for me, "because that's what being a mum is. you make sacrifices, you love your daughter more then life itself, and you never stop loving her". We sat and talked over a few bottles of wine and everything suddenly made sense to me, why thimngs ahd been said and why things had been done, what happened when I was a kid, to me and to my dad. I was always an angry kid and that didn't change for a long time. I'm through that now, mostly.

So why have I not been writing? Well, Uni work is piling up and also my laptop has gone kaput (it's beiong fixed right now, I hope...) and really, i think that sometimes before I write i need to do a lot of self discovery. I missed it though.