I'm better then my past would make you believe.

There's something going on here. I think i'm getting better.
I woke up happy and i've been happy all day.
Another blood test, they're still trying to figure out whats wrong with me. Someone's stabbing me in the stomach and i've got a frog in my throat but i'll survive. No more of the 'woe is me' crap that i seem to have been spouting for way too long.
I've found this great park just down the road from me, it's huge and loads of trees and animals and stuff, it's great to sit there and think.
I can't do my night time thinking there though, it closes at 9pm. All because of crime. What is this country coming to?
I'm a bit in shock as to how great I'm feeling today. It's nice. He left for the weekend without saying a word to me today and I don't care. I've washed my hands of him now. I can sleep alone, it's better that way - i sleep better and i don't get hurt every night when he turns his back to me, when i don't even get a kiss goodnight, when he doesn't hold me.
i've been doing this positive thinking thing, it's great. just think about all my favourite things. the good memories. the smiles and the laughs.

So...

A few things that make rX happy:

• Tea out of a teapot. I've raved for a long time how much better it tastes and apparently sales of teapots and afternoon tea have gone up by about 10% in the last year. Magical.
• Summer fashion. Nothing beats floaty skirts, pretty jewellery, natural hair and bright toenails.
• Damian Marley. This guy makes summer feel like summer. Even when it rains.
• Cheap internet. Sad but true - blogging makes my head work properly.
• 'In' jokes. No one else will ever understand the true meaning of 'chairmanscarfhead' or my inability to speak like me and my bestest do.
• Magazines. This is probably the worst one, but there's nothing i like more then buying a thick glossy (Cosmopolitan is always a good choice!) and reading it from cover to cover in one sitting.

Things might be happening with me and the friend. But you know? Even if it doesn't, he's still a friend, thats enough for me. He's promising a lot but i'm not going to hold my breath waiting any more. If things are going to happen then they will, and they'll happen when they're supposed to happen. I'm happy that I've got someone that i can text day or night that'll always reply, always put a smile on my face. Someone who's a friend. He always takes an interest. I sometimes think he knows more about me than i could know, if that makes sense? He's a good judge of character and he can often express how I'm feeling better then I am.

"August evenings
Bring solemn warnings
To remember
to kiss the ones you love goodnight

You never know what temporal days may bring
So Laugh, love, live free, and sing
When life is in discord
Praise ye the Lord

Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands"
Anberlin - Paperthin Hymn

I've also been thinking how lucky i am to have a best friend like the one i do. She's been there through thick and thin, she picked me up from hospital, she took me in when i didn't have a home. She'll listen to me talk the same crap everytime i'm drunk and never tell me to shut up. She's seen me pass out, cry, laugh, she's seen me on the toilet, she's opened the door while i'm in the shower to tell me what songs are on the radio. We've shared beds more then once, we've touched girls boobs together and obsessed over how sexy a certain podium dancer was. we've been to amazing gigs together and we've got many to come. She's amazing, one in a million. I wouldn't change her for the world.
Love ya mate.