Someday I'll fly away

my nail varnish is chipped and i feel sick. that glass of wine was a mistake, i thought i'd be ok. i wasn't. i didn't sleep last night. i watched a film about a werewolf and made some decisions about myself. i want to travel. i don't know when. i want to experience beauty first hand, not just on a TV screen. my childhood taught me that it's good to see different places, meet different people. that old cliche, 'I want to find myself'. not at all. i know where i am, i want to discover the world around me, be anonymous, see the things the media never lets us see.

i miss my friends and i miss my family. he said he'd come over and keep me company but yet again at 2:30am I received a text message saying he couldn't make it. i get used to being let down but you know every time, for a while i think to myself "maybe this time..."

I'm still fighting my inner demons but at the moment i think i might just be winning. despite the way i think half the time, i am a lot happier than i used to be. i can enjoy my own company now. a cup of tea, a magazine, me myself and i. i want to get away from all the bad people in my life, and prove to myself that i can manage on my own.