Friday, 3 August 2007

I just don't know what to believe anymore.

I feel i should post something now, althought i don't seem to be able to articulate my thoughts very well at the moment. I've been majorly fucked about by the jobcentre with my jobseekers payments. I've needed to be paid by giro this time (if the money went into my bank account it'd all just go straight out, I'm majorly over my overdraft) and because of the postal strike, the jobcentre have been sending the giro's straigh to the post offices. Of course, they've got all confused with my claim so although I was told i'd be paid on tuesday, i wasn't. It then changed to yesterday. I wasn't. I made a hell of a scene at the jobcentre and still no result.
I 'should' be paid this afternoon but i don't even know whether to believe that. I don't know what to believe when they tell me anything now.
i woke up in his bed this morning ( i didn't mean to sleep in there) and he was holding me tight and i loved it until i realised who it was. I suddenly realised i didn't want it to be him, i didn't want it to be him that i've fallen for, that suddenly seems to want everything to do with me again, who'd i'd do anything for. I don't want it. He finally admitted that he's been sleeping with the mother of his little girl.
Nice of him to tell me, after he's 'finished it'. So he says.
I'm looking to moving in with my best mate. She just split up with her bloke and we both need girl time and friend time. I need to get away from him. I need to be near my friends again.
I listen to music, I cry about how it used to be, I tell myself it'll be better soon, I stay away as much as possible but still want to be friends. I love it when he kisses my forehead and when he strokes my hair while i'm falling asleep. I hate it when he goes but I love it when I'm away.
I hate it, I love it, I dont know what to think.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hope your giro came through hon. The Boy sounds like he's just confusing you, playing mind games. I think a girly house with your best mate would be lovely - you can get away and relax, without stinky boys ;) xx