Getting better is the best part.

And in a way, recovery is nicer than not having been ill at all, the smallest footsteps are celebrated and things feel worthwhile.
They had to do twice daily blood tests to test blood clotting, something to do with the amount of time my blood takes to clot? Well apparently, the 'healthy' number for the test is 1.0, anything above this is dangerous as it means the liver is damaged. Mine crept up, Sunday it was 1.2 (not very dangerous, low enough for them to send me home without treatment) and then by the time I'd gone back in on Monday night, it had shot up to 1.9.
This is why I was seriously ill. They put me on drips, some antibody for the toxic shit I'd put inside me to bring my clotting count down and saline because i basically couldn't keep any fluids down for days.
Sick rX. Poor little me.
Not really... It was my own fault the first time, 5 big years ago, and this time round too and nothing will ever change that.
I met a lovely woman while I was in hospital, she was in the bed next to mine one night. She'd done the same thing. We're in close contact now, I've made a good new friend out of this. She knows how it feels and we've both said to each other, if you feel like this again then call me, no matter where you are or what time it is, just call me.
It's good to have someone I can call a friend who's been through the same thing, because if any of my other friends have been through it, they've kept it quiet up till now. It's difficult to talk about it face to face too. People asy, Why Did You Do It? and it's not as simple as just one reason and that's why, things build up and build up and get on top of you and there's no way out. You can't really understand it unless you've been there.
The next step was being able to write about it. At first my head blocked my memories, I didn't know what I'd done. At least know I can remember what happened.
Getting my appetite back. Not enjoying food sucks, especially when you're a food lover.
The best part so far? Coming home.
I couldn't stay in my lovely flat because bestest was going out with the new man and I was a bit scared of waking up in the night and being ill again, and being on my own. You shouldn't be on your own for the first few days after you've been in hospital. So quiet time with people around me for the next week or so I feel. I've already missed uni for 2 weeks so I wont be able to take any more time off, but I can't really afford to miss any more lectures or work.
I just want to embrace life and live it as it comes. Be happy and healthy. Start eating properly, I'm feeling like I want to be wholesome and make all my own food and bake cakes and be like that. Is that sad? Less drinking, it's bad for me anyway, inside my body and inside my head and inside my bank account. No drugs. No way. Not anymore. They helped the depression along and i was so scared that my blood tests would show the drugs i've been using in the last few weeks.
Let's say I've not exactly been clean.
Spend more time doing work and less time partying, I'll surely enjoy it much more then, wont I?
I just want to be better and to be happy.