It don’t matter cause I’m the one that loves you best

He finally made contact on saturday night - things on that front are a little tense but seem to be getting there. I hope.
He said, It's not long until I come home, I can't wait to see you, I've missed you so much over the last few weeks especially. He told me the reason he'd not been in contact and it isn't bullshit. He was touched when I remembered that it was only 10 days till he arrives home (8 now!) and I'm still SO excited about it. I can't help but think, though. What if it's destined to always be like this, what if we'll always be talking and then not talking? We seem to have this fatal attraction going on, like no matter what happens we can never seem to leave each other alone - i'd give the world for him and I'm just a bit worried that that's not healthy. Not that I don't enjoy it. I love the way he makes me get butterflies like no other and he seems to be able to tell what i'm thinking a lot of the time, how when i was lay in a hospital bed thinking how i'd messed me and him up, and how i desperately needed to get in touch to get my peace of mind - He made contact. How the things he tell me take me by complete surprise, yet i expect him to say exactly what he does. It's like, I know him inside out but yet I don't know him at all. How he makes me want to laugh and cry, smile and frown, how he makes my heart ache with happiness that we've got this and how my heart breaks that he can't be here every day. I think I always knew I'd end up with someone in the forces, someone who's not here all the time. But I won't complain, it makes our time together so much sore special and cherished. Absence makes the heart grow fonder is such an old cliche now that we forget it's meaning and that it's actually so true, the more someone isn't there, the more you care. You don't know what you've got until someone's sent 3000 miles away for 10 months.
And the song that played the first time he ever held me, it just rang so true. It was about me, about us. Sail away with me.

"Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Crazy skies all wild above me now
Winter howling at my face
And everything I held so dear
Disappeared without a trace
Oh all the times I've tasted love
Never knew quite what I had
Little Darling if you hear me now
Never needed you so bad
Spinning round inside my head

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

I've been talking drunken gibberish
Falling in and out of bars
Trying to find some explanation here
For the way some people are
How did it ever come so far

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now"
Sail Away - David Grey

The good days seem to be getting more regular and that can only be a good thing, can't it? I'm having a lot more 'me' time and doing things for me, and only me. Getting my hair cut, buying a new outfit, doing things to make myself happy. And I am. Not being what everyone else wants me to be, not doing what they want me to do.

Bumbling along seems to be suiting me fine at the moment. I started back at university today which I've been dreading, I've no idea what work I've not done over the holidays (time off for the head fuck, and all that jazz). I've a feeling I'm in for some major bollockings but these things just can't be helped. The workload's only going to get even bigger now we're a third of the way through the course and it's getting very scary.