"Driven by the strangle of vein
Showing no mercy I'd do it again
Open up your eyes
You keep on crying Baby
I'll bleed you dry
Skies are blinking at me
I see a storm bubbling up from the sea"
Kings of Leon - Closer

Why did I have any hopes for me and him?? I don't think anyone can tell me why, all we can say is that I was damn stupid to ever have any belief in any of it.
So, we're texting yesterday. He has some bad news for me. He's not coming home next weekend. Good news? He's home this weekend instead. We make plans. He'll pick me up from town at one, we'll go to Nottingham, go shopping, watch the Panthers play tonight and stay at the hotel over night. Long overdue time together. I get a text this morning. "My battery's about to die and I don't have my charger, where shall I meet you?". I reply, it delivers. Turn up at said place at 1, as arranged.

I waited for an hour.

He never arrived. His phone was off. I waited. And I waited. He's the one man I would drop everything for, you know?? My exception for everything. He broke all the rules and I still went back.

Not anymore. I want an explanation. I don't think anything can paste together the holes that he makes in my heart though.

I'm sat drinking red wine (always a good friend, it never ignores you, helps with your problems, never lets you down) at 5pm. My girlfriends are due out at 8. I dropped them for him, they pick up the pieces, dry my tears, make me smile. They'll drips feed me wine and chocolate through the night. We'll go out and get roaring drunk, stumble home, get a bit maudlin, drink a little more wine. We'll go to the toilet in pairs, swap make-up tips, bitch about men, drool over Kings of Leon, have lots of camera time, reapply our eyeliner+mascara 20 times through the course of the evening.

You know, isn't it amazing, the shit that your girlfriends will get you through? Like a life support machine, they've kept me living, breathing through the lowest times of my life.

Thank you girls xxx