On Mercury.

Work at the solicitors isn't going quite as well was planned... i'm getting a lot of angry, persistent clients who direct all their anger at me. this is a time when i quite simply can't deal with othert people's shit. i've got enough going on dealing with my own, thanks.
next tuesday i have to go to chesterfield for my appointment and then some point that week i'll be having the dreaded 'a' word.
a termination.
i can't spend too long thinking about it because it makes me feel sick.

i've had another tattoo, a peacock feather on my left hip (i'm having one on my right hip to match soon as i've got more pennies!!). it's one that'll be on show a bit more than my stars but it's just as personal a meaning to me. the stars remind me to always look up, reach for the stars and never give up. the feather's are similar. i've always loved peacocks, how cocky and showy-offy they are, and its just another way of saying to myself, reach as high as you can, if you reach hitgh enough then you'll fly.
i've decided to move to my dads when i can afford it, once i've got this qualification and my driving license.
My emotions have never been so confused as they are right now. i'm pregnant, i've been ditched by someone i thought i couold trust (no, make that two...), i'm falling away from all the other people i love the most.
i'm feeling lost and just a little bit dazed at how quickly things can change.
sometimes people think everything's about them and i don't want anyone to think i'm one of those. yes, i may be wrapped up in my own thoughts, but you know? there's a world out there and i want to go see it, sooner rather than later.
i feel like i need to go out and get new friends, as if i can't salvage my old friendships. to be quite honest i don't think i can do either, i love my old friends too much and have no interest in anyone else. but sometimes it just feels like i'm hitting my head against a brick wall over and over again - no matter how hard i try nothing comes of it.
and yes, it probably is my fault because i wasn't that great a friend to some of those people... but lets not forget that they weren't the greatest of friends to me either.
x