Strange and beautiful (I'll put a spell on you)

"I've been watching your world from afar
I've been trying to be where you are
And I've been secretly falling apart
Unseen
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful
You'd be so perfect with me
But you just can't see
You turn every head but you don't see me

I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep
When I put a spell on you
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realize that you love me"

amazing how things can change, eh? the way he held me when we slept, that was enough for me. the look on his face, the smile in his eyes, the shock i felt when he appeared on my doorstep yesterday morning.
"I've moved here for a while, I'm at Shane's"
those magical words. "I don't want anything. Just you."

the 'Kate' tattoo. I'd forgotten about that. the phonecall i heard when i got back there today, "her name's bonnie. i made a big mistake. i slept with her and i really don't like her."
rip my heart out, cut me into pieces. don't even mention it to me, just carry on pretending to me. did you ever like me, iain, or was it one big lie, the whole fucking time?

Here's something i posted a while back, when i was still blogging on myspace:

"And did you miss me while i was looking for myself?
I've found myself thinking of you a lot more then i normally do over the last few weeks. It was your birthday last Sunday - a year since that first kiss. I miss you like no one else, I really do. You were the sunshine in my life for a long time and one day the sun set, and it's not been seen since.
was it really that hard for you to tell me the truth? was it that hard that you could never open up, tell me how you truly felt? all i ever got from you was mixed signals. you hurt me a lot over the time i knew you. i say it in past tense because i truly don't think i'll see you or hear from you again. perhaps that's a good thing. maybe it's not. i'll not forget you for a long time to come.

but no matter how much you hurt me, i could never walk away, i could never not like you for it. and that was my downfall. it was an addiction and you were my drug. and now i'm in withdrawal, i can't get enough of you, but i can't get to you to get my next fix. it kills me, knowing that i'll never see you again. but i had that once before with you and i managed. i saw you again though, and that gives me a false hope. and that's what'll break me."

and i never did lose hope, that's the worst part. Mother Teresa once said 'Love until it hurts, then there can be no more hurt and only more love.' and i'd love to disagree with her. it inspired me so much, that saying, and then today... i loved for longer than i should have, i loved until it hurt, and now it just hurts me even more.
"and i feel all this pain, i stuffed it down, it's back again"
i'd love to know how to make this stop. i'm through with relationships. i'm sick of hurting more then i should, over the people in this world that i should be able to trust the most.