i have the termination on monday morning so thats getting sorted out. this time next week i will be babyless and that makes me so happy.
and him... he's married and he's got kids. he's recovering from a gamboling problem.
RX is sleeping with a married man... but don't worry kids, they're getting a divorce!
haha, life is falling out of control but i think this is how i like it. the best advice ive been given (apart from dont let everyone round here know you're banging a married man) was to let go a bit and not try to control everything so much. it's hard but it's starting to work. i feel better for it. i cant change the way things happen but i know that with time i'll be better and thats enough to make me feel good in itself.
*
Cold icy wind and skeletons of trees. The walk home is always the same. I like the way that things have changed between us, it’s something I’ve wanted for a long time, I just don’t know if I’m ready to cope with it just yet.
Twilight. Empty streets, like a map of my heart. Tangled, confused, disconnected. That same park bench that I sat on and talked of you to my friends - it’s midnight and I sit there thinking of everything that you told me that night. I think of your face when I realised what you were trying to tell me. Loaded apologies, a grown man looking as vulnerable as a young boy.
And last night, the first time I’d seen you smile properly in the last week. The sparkle in your eyes, the way you made me feel when you held me in your arms.
My problems are nothing compared to yours and I want to help you so much. In bed I could still feel your arms around me. I stared into the night, finding comfort in seeing how peaceful the world can be when there‘s no one else there. My eyes were blurred from the silent tears I cried for me, for you, for the past, and the present, and the future. You changed the way I looked at the world and I want to thank you for that. You helped shape into the person I am today, and whether or not that’s a good thing, I’ll thank you anyway.
And the jealousy when she told me that she liked you. I wanted to scream at her, hit her. She can’t like you after knowing you for just a week of knowing you. What about the 2 and a half years since I met you?
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