mein. -deftones week! =D

i want to write more, when i need to. makes me feel good. Did you miss me while i was gone?
i'm learning to appreciate life at face value. i like to surround myself in beauty. that makes me feel good too. candles and a good book, quiet 'me' time. i can spend hours looking at a single photo, reliving memories. remembering that way things made me feel, how those feelings made me act.
Someone once told me, 'keep dancing, keep smiling and the world will sparkle'. She was right. My future is mine, and mine only. and i WILL make it sparkle.
hence the exorcism of memories. lose the negativity and you will become a positive prson. music helps me a lot. helps me through the bad, makes the good even better.
I've chosen love, to abolish pain.
I chose to forget him and i have. well done, me.
i feel nothing for him. past, not present. do i miss him? I think not.
No more fucking the married man. Not a chance. I wont be hurt by you.
I'm happy with my past now. No regrets. It happens. Deal with it.
My life isn't in the past anymore. it's not even in the future. It's in the present. I wont let things that have happened change the way i'll be now. I'm not scared anymore, just happy and fulfilled.
don't let silly little thingsget you down - they really are not worth the time you spend being upset over them.
depression is in my past now and i'm going to make my life a happy place to be. in fact, forget i'm going to... i already have.
moving to derby is possibly one of the best things i have ever done. i've made new friends already and i'm going to carry on with that.

*

i'm in his room and trying to remember why i went there in first place. was it just to get my heart broken? that summer i managed to lose three phones, two best friends and my virginity. clever girl.

it hurt but it helped block out the pain from the rest of my life, and that's why i carried on going through with it again and again.

maybe i didn't even want to do it, maybe i did. it's that long ago that i don't even remember.

the thought of it, the memories, thay're what hurt the most.

exorcism, trying to rid my mind of the bad things that have happened.

i lost my innocence when it all happened too.

obscene, what i've done to my body over time.

enough to put you off me for life.

would that ever happen, would you ever go off me

xxx