lonely day.

i feel... funny. sick and strange and homesick and bad.
some days i feel like i'll never smile again. i've never felt so alone in my life and it's hard to bear sometimes.
it's gone weird with me and him. like, he's barely even talking to me. it started when i told him that a [male] friend of mine was coming to see me. it was sudden, as if now he thinks that i'm with someone else [i'm not] so theres no point even talking to me.
the friend never turned up anyway. i waited 3 hours and he never turned up.
i'm really considering moving back in with my mum. if i haven't got him, there's not really much left for me here.
i'm bored of lies. tired of being sick. annoyed at being alone all the time. being there with him and not being able to have him.
maybe i've gone backwards, i don't know.