Hole In The Earth.

"Can you explain to me how
You're so evil, how?
It’s too late for me now
There’s a hole in the earth, I’m out
There’s a hole in the earth, I’m out
Can you explain to me now?
If you’re still able, well ...
It's time I think you know the truth ...
There’s a hole in the earth, I’m out
I hate all of my friends
They all lack taste sometimes
There’s a hole in the earth, I’m out
There’s a hole in the earth
Please take a bow (this is the end)
Somewhere this is the end
Somewhere
There’s a hole in the earth
There’s a hole in the earth
I hate all of my friends (I’m out) "

funny, it doesn't get me until you're gone. then it hits me again, how much i feel for you.
they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder and that's certainly true in my case.
everything changes but you. you make me me.
I can't apologise enough for the way things happened, the way we were and the way we are now because of everything. i can't help wishing you never came into my life in the first place, all along i've always been thinking "well, what if it eventually did happen?"
Love hurts, and although this isn't love it's pretty damn close.
Fragile like china, when i am around you. perhaps i'm only leaving because of you. i don't even know anymore.
i only decided to definitely go for it when you arrived back here. but then maybe it's the memories of this house, this town. it wasn't an immaculate conception (if only) and i'd do anything to never see the father of the child that i'll never have, to never go past the place where it happened, to not remember how much i enjoyed the memories of that night until i got the results of the test.
i never suspected a thing and that's what hurts the most, that i was so obviously pregnant and i didn't even realise. that no one else guessed.
that my best friend cried more than i did when i told her i was having an abortion. she knew as well as i did how much i wanted kids.
You know though, it might have done good yet, if it's the reason that's helping me get away from belper, from the people that know me and judge me for my actions. here's to anonimity, new starts, new friends, a new life.